I’m trying to get up. It’s been too long since I fell down. But the climb back to to the top seems harder than it was before: I’m just not as confident as I was anymore. I want to be brave. They say I should keep going. That I should carry on through the pain in spite of the pain, with the pain until the point where I gain my sanity again. I need to be able to function again. I need to get these negative thoughts out of my head. Stay positive they said – but I can’t even get out of bed. I sit in complete darkness wondering when this feeling will end. I’m glad I don’t have to face anyone, especially myself. I’m surviving but internally I’m dying. I want to live but I have nothing to live for and my heart and mind are constantly at war. I’m stuck in this pit of self loathing, the sadness clinging to my skin like wet clothing. I guess It’s just part of who I am now. My identity is misery. I need to get up – I just don’t know how

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